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AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

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Promises, promises.</span>


The next day I woke up in my coffin.

Sadly, they had buried me the night before.

And now it's time for Ebony's favorite topic: HER CLOTHES. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black.

Wow, Enoby's really walking on the wild side, isn't she? She actually wore something that had a COLOR!


I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears.

Pray, how can a vampire have cross earrings?


I spray-painted my hair with purple.

And what substance is "purple"? And I may be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that spray paint would damage your hair. But what do I know? I don't straighten, dye or otherwise abuse my hair.


In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

Ah yes, Count Chocula. Truly a meal fit for the Vampiric Mistress of Darkness. The only cereal a goff will eat.

count%2Bchocula.jpg

Also, can I ask where all this blood is coming from? Does Hogwarts have a convenient stock for the mallgoth crowd?

But then, oh noes! Somebody bumps into Enoby and her blood spills everywhere. (Wow, that sounds weird out of context.


"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it.

Well, that was fast.

So who is the person she'll undoubtedly charm the pants off?


I looked up and I was looked into the pale white face

I wasn't aware a person could be "looked."

And again, is there such a thing as "dark white"?


of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face, looking at him.

So... his eyes have so much eyeliner than Ebony is going down his face. I would love to see that.


He was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses, just like Draco's.

... wait... what? Glasses? No... this can't be....


There was no scar on his forehead anymore and he had a manly stubble on his chin.

It is. It's Harry Potter.

harry%2Bpotter.jpeg

Yeah, as if the wholesale canon-rape of Draco Malfoy into a sensitive "goff" loverboy wasn't bad enough, now we're presented with the "goff" version of the title character himself. I'm pretty sure that if this fic weren't so hilariously bad, I would cry.


He spoke with a sexy English accent.

... well, English people do tend to speak with English accents.


He looked exactly like Joel Madden.

....


....


joel%2Bmadden.jpg daniel%2Bradcliffe.jpg

... I'm not seeing the resemblance, honestly. I mean, they're both white males with brown hair, but there the resemblance seems to end.


He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection (only I'm a girl, so I didn't get one, you sick person).

Hey, I'm not the one who brought up your ladyboner, Enoby.

Enoby-and-Harry-Vampire-Potter-by-Chazie.jpg

And yes, you should read the comic version of this. Plug plug plug.

And then we run into a brand-NEW problem that makes my eyes bleed. Tara Gillesbie apparently was told by someone that you should mix up your verbs instead of just repeating "said." Well... the English teachers who say that are full of crap, because it's actually WORSE when people try to come up with synonyms for "said."


"I'm so sorry," he said in a shy voice.
"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.
"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days," he grumbled.
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood," he giggled.
"Well, I am a vampire," I confessed.
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah," I roared.

So in the space of a few lines, Potter grumbles, giggles and whimpers. I think that goes beyond bipolar and into "severe brain damage.

Also, why is Ebony ROARING? Is she enraged that he said "really?"


We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

Let me guess: his dick in a box.

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