I don't have to explain this, do I?


I mean, the media was saturated for several years with information about Twilight, mostly due to the crappy movies based on the crappier books. It also resulted in a horrifying trend of bad paranormal fiction where whiny teen girls fall instantly in love with vampires, angels, fairies, werewolves and other things like that. It was boring as shit.

I think we all know the drill by now - a plain, whiny personality-free girl meets an emo sparkly vampire, and they fall in lust for four books of mutant babies, sparkling, werewolves, angst, sparkling, sexism, snobbery, sparkling and thinly-veiled Mormon beliefs that make no sense in the story. It's about as bad as it seems, but it does manage to be better than Vampire Kisses. Yeah, damning with faint praise.... or in the case of Twilight, darning.

And this first book... it's mesmerizing. It's like drowning in a sea of Elmer's glue. There is barely a plot, just a thin little whisper that revolves around our limp rag of a heroine. And instead of action, suspense or a STORY, we follow a bland teenage girl in her incredibly mundane life... and her stalkerish crush on a vampire. Who sparkles.

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